So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
