fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
