An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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