Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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