sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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