If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
