Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize