Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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