____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
