Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
