She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
