i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
