I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
