Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
