I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
