Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
