My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
