i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
