I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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