i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize