Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize