Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
