apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
