My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
