mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
