WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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