Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
