to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
