Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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