I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
