no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
