So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
