He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
