Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
