You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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