Your face is a jimmy john
she was so not down for the gang bang
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
