I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
