hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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