Swine flu. Run for my life!
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize