butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
