Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
