I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
