Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize