My liver just broke up with me...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
