This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
