one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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