Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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