turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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