He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
