I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
