and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
