Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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