You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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