It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
