these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
