He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
