My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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