If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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