I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
