is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize