you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i think we sleep fucked last night...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
