I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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