Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
