So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
