He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
