Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
