Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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