ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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