you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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