Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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