Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
