Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
