Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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