I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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