Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i dont even know how to be here
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
