hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
