I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
