Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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