Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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