watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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