you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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